Made a wrong turn, once or twice. Dug my way out, blood and fire. Bad decisions that’s alright. Welcome to my silly life
F*cking Perfect by Pink.
Hey Guys! Greetings of the season!!
I hope everyone had an amazing Christmas! Mine was pretty bomb, it turned out to be alot more fun than I had even hoped. Originally, the atmosphere was very ‘unchristmassy’ but I think this year’s Christmas was the best I’ve had in a very long while. Though, my compound got robbed that night and thieves stole everyone’s generator, ours got spared. So I was low-key doing shoki because I probably would have suffered the most if the generator had gotten stolen. Anyways, 2016 has just three days to be over and I think I can confidently say I have seen the most of it. And boy, 2016 has been a year indeed. So much has happened and I can’t even begin to explain it to you guys but am going to try to list out some important things that I learnt in 2016.
1) I sometimes make Bad decisions. Hence, that quote up there. This year, I made alot of bad decisions, I trusted when I should have doubted. Loved when I should have been skeptical. Gave in when I should have hold out. Was weak when I should have been strong. But I also realized that bad decisions are part of the process. You are supposed to recognize them, try to understand them, correct them. And if you can’t, let them be. And stop beating yourself up.
2) Sometimes Give Up. I am very stubborn. Really, I am. I find it hard to relent. I have to push to the bitter end. I have to win. But is life a competition? No. So sometimes, when everything just isn’t working, give up. Take a moment, and reevaluate. Figure out if you are the problem or is it your technique or maybe it isn’t meant to be yours.
3) Know That You are Enough . I’ve always been this person that needed someone to tell me, ‘You are actually good at this’ or ‘You look great’ or ‘You are nice’ before I believe it. I used to spend alot of my time trying to be what I think people wanted me to be. To be that picture of perfection. But when the whole fake facade couldn’t work again, I realized that being the person I actually am inside is enough. It’s enough for me, and it will be enough for anyone that truly matters.
4) Disney Love is for Disney. Growing up, I always thought having a Disney Love would be what would redeem me. It would make me special, that I would find that special person that would look at me and make me feel like the luckiest guy in the world. But, that’s Disney. Love isn’t looking at someone and thinking ‘Wow, talk about perfection’ . Love won’t blur your edges. Love won’t make your imperfections disappear. Love won’t make you enough. Everyone has their rough edges, and Love won’t smooth. Your mother loves you, right? She knows you’re stubborn and unruly at times. And you don’t always do what she wants. But simply because you are YOU, because she loves you. She will complain while smoothing the bed edges, she will remember your favorite colour when buying you a shirt that is probably two sizes too big. Because, she LOVES you. Not because you are perfect.
5) What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. This was probably my mantra for those months I had to stay home. I have made mention of this in the blog, but just so you know I dropped out of Benin Republic to study in Nigeria, something that made me start from beginning again. And spend several months at home. During those months, it felt like hell but it didn’t kill me. During those months, I learnt so much about myself, I understood people a bit more. I was dissillusioned about life. But it didn’t kill me, it made me understand life isn’t always going to go according to your plans.
6) Just Keep Breathing. If you know me personally, then you know how much I love Supernatural movies, especially Vampire and Witch movies, like True Blood. One of the scenes from True Blood I keep seeing in my mind is when Jesus, Lafayette’s boyfriend died. And Lafayette saw his ghost and he said something along the line of ‘I don’t know how to keep on living, when I killed the man I loved’ then Jesus kissed him and said ‘It’s very simple, baby, just keep breathing”.
I remembered this when I was suicidal. Yes, suicidal. Sometime early this year, the thoughts where so much. All I could think was how, am tired of all this. I just can go on anymore. I wrote a suicidal note and all. When it came to it, I was really glad for someone who slapped the heck out of me for even contemplating it. But what really gave the balls to face life was this ‘Just Keep Breathing’. When all hope was lost, just keep breathing till the sunrises.
7) You are not perfect. I always have strived for perfection. Or at least to be the best available. To be what people would point and say, ‘Ah that kid is good’ and that person that would make all who know me proud. Because of this,.i strived for perfection. There was no room for mistakes, everything had to be the way I planned. Boy, Is that the worst mentality to bring into the real world. Because mistakes have to happen, you will fall for the wrong person. You’ll trust the wrong person, you’ll be in the wrong place. That’s life. You aren’t perfect. You are a human being, not a statue. Your flaws make you beautiful. Which brings me to
8) Accept your flaws. I tell people nowadays, I have flaws, I know most of them. I am not proud of them, but I have accepted them. I know I have flaws, things that if I had the choice I probably would change. Physically, behavior wise etc. But I know that changing them means I have given it the power to determine my life. It will control me, and I can’t let that happen. I will not let the fact that I’m overly worried that am not good looking enough worry me. I won’t let the fact that am worried that I don’t have the best body bother me. I have accepted that I have flaws. But I have accepted that in my own right, I am beautiful. And being beautiful in my own way, doesn’t make me any more or less amazing.
9) Life is fun. Life really is fun. So why aren’t you having fun?
So there it is. Everything I have learnt from 2016. Its being a year of self growth and development. And I’m very appreciative of it, but right now am more than excited to put all of these in play during 2017. Raise your hand if you are excited for 2017. One thing I know is, if I can survive 2016 I can survive any year.
So the year is coming to an end. To me it has ended already. And I think it’s time to make goals for next year and to review the ones of this year, which is what am going to be doing. I’m m going to take a one-week break from blogging, to get my head back in the game, plan, create better content and just get my blog ready for an awesome year. And i’m very grateful for all of you that read, commented, shared and followed. Really, you guys are the real MVP. And i’m so thankful for you guys. But I need a favor, during this time of planning I need you guys to give me your ideas. Tell me what you want to see more of, what you don’t want to see. Things you think I did well with, things I didn’t. Tell me how to make our blog better.
Thank you for reading, I really do appreciate. See you in 2017.
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