It’s tomorrow. I’ve had the date bookmarked for over two months now. And it is here. How do I feel about that? Scared, apprehensive, worried, excited.? Yes, Yes, Yes and oh Yes. I made a radical decision to come back to Nigeria. After willing letting go of my coveted admission spot to study Law in the Rivers State University of Science and Technology, to go to Benin Republic on the words of someone I later came to despise. But that’s isn’t the issue here. Deciding to leave my admission was one of my first life decisions and well, this is my second and am more cautious of my self and life. I could go back to Benin and spend two years but for several reasons- accredition being a chief point even with the assurances I got from people, I can’t risk my life on people’s words. Not again.
So I decided to come back home and am starting again, tomorrow decides for me. I’ve been ashamed of this fact for so long. Thinking what was wrong with me? Why did I fall easily for someone’s lies? Why did I make such a terrible decision? What would people say? But after a chat with Ijenna of Miralabelle.com, who told me the story of her similar experience in Benin Republic. I realized that am not the first and though I won’t be the last… lemme try to prevent more from falling. So if you are a Nigerian reading this, here is my advice to you about schooling in Benin Republic- Don’t. I’ll do a full post on this soon but just Don’t.
Sighs. I really digressed from my point, didn’t I?. Well, my exam is tomorrow. I’m rebooting my University education. And I can’t remember ever being this scared. I can’t focus, I can’t read. I spent my whole day, scanning my textbooks and after certain attempts at reading, well I decided to write this post. Exam Fever hasn’t really been an issue for me. Ever. Alotta people complained about it back in my school days, and Even in Benin Republic. But never me. I used to be so sure of myself. What happened? Life happened.
After rethinking this issue several times, I realized my fear wasn’t really failure (Mostly, cause yes, everyone fears failing an exam a li’l). But it was mostly the fear that i am making a mistake but I just have to accept my reality and focus on it and still make the best of it. The fear is still there. But I have to work around the fear.