I keep telling people that I am a Libra, and they don’t get why am so insistent on that fact, well what I mean is, I am the poster boy for the Libra Traits- am a lover of beauty, am easy going, I find it hard to say No (Which trust me leads to some funny situations) and am indecisive. I find it hard to just say I don’t want this I want this. I mean I could spend an hour weighing the pros and cons between a simple dinner order (That’s if meatpies and Fanta is outta the list). And unfortunately, it affects me in other areas, like today I had to make the decision to switch over to WordPress from Blogger. Honestly, the way I was going i’ld spend forever just making this decision and I’ll get nothing done.
You’ld think that would mean I make topnotch decisions. You couldn’t be more wrong. And I mean this in different facets of life. Not too long ago, I had to make the decision to come back home from school- permanently. And well, it was probably the hardest thing I’ve had to do. As well, as leaving a relationship I was unhappy with. But addicted to. I knew I had to come back home, because that wasn’t where I wanted to be. I knew that that being there didn’t make me happy. I knew that Blogger might be awesome to some people, but to me it just wasn’t. I knew that my relationship was killing me, and suffocating my personality. But yet, I still kept finding reasons to remain there. I felt I’ll lose the stats I was starting to get. I felt I’ll lose friends from my University. I felt i’ld hurt someone by leaving. I felt….. I just gave excuses. Because that’s all they were. And then in one moment, I said ‘No’. I deserved to be in a relationship that accepted me for all my flamboyant and fabulous personality. I deserved a University that had enough social life to fit my needs. I deserved a platform that allowed people to comment. Sighs, and as a very indecisive person who spends alot of his time trying to weigh his pros and cons several time before making a decision. Let’s just this isn’t my area of specialization.
I kept wondering what would my partner feel, breaking up a relationship that I invested so much time and energy into. But there was that family knowing themselves bit. But I was unhappy, I wasn’t allowed to be my self, because of my relationship I had started self-doubting myself, and well I had started hating myself, cause I seemed defective to my own self. I had a playlist, for songs to listen when pissed at my partner, which was all the time. Then one day, I decided to leave the country. Well, never return, seeing how I was in my home country now. And cut off all ties, and everything. Terrible breakup move. I know, but after that I started seeing something I was better. I had more confidence. I loved myself even more. I was more okay with being everything I am. And I realized that am actually, better at making decisions than I thought . Am just too scared of making the wrong decision. Same goes with switching my blogging platform, same goes with changing school. I just have to make the Big Move. And most likely when I make it. I’ll love it. Maybe it’s the same with you. Maybe you need to take that risk. And you’ll be better for it.
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